by
phair
Sam stopped his frantic typing to read the proposal he was piecing together. He’d been working on it for hours but the end result seemed worthy of his efforts. A few tweaks here and there and the document would be ready to submit to the chairman of the Ways and Means committee for review.
Regardless of the final outcome, it was a bold enough piece of legislation to capture ranking members on both sides of the aisle.
“Hey, you ready to go or what? If you take too much longer I’ll miss the beginning of my favorite show,” Coyote grumbled as she barged into Sam’s office and flopped down in the chair facing his desk.
“Cagney and Lacey reruns?” Sam quipped without lifting his eyes from the computer monitor. “Oh wait, no, let me guess again. Xena?”
Coyote grinned and replied, “Not even close smart guy. I’m totally a Losted kind of girl.”
“I’ll say you’re Lost, alright.” Sam laughed a little before asking the question he dreaded the answer to, “Couldn’t fix it, could you?”
“Are you kidding me? Me not be able to fix an American built motor? The world will immediately grind to a halt the day I can’t fix an engine, buddy,” Coyote reprimanded him. “Your truck is purring like that chick who tucked into my lap last Saturday night.”
Sam drew back in horror. “Do you have to go there? Do you have to get all up in everybody’s face with you perver..., l, I mean, your business?”
“Oh, go on, you were gonna say perversion, weren’t you?” Her brow drew together in solemn contemplation.
“Look,” Sam raised his hands in mock surrender, “I don’t want to argue with you. I’m grateful for the help you’ve given me. Can’t we just agree we’re from different worlds?”
For the first time since Sam had met her, Coyote’s guard came down and he saw the hurt his words were causing her.
“Dude, there’s only one world. We all have to figure out how to get along in it,” Coyote’s voice was soft and wounded.
Sam was never so happy to hear a knock at his door interrupting a meeting. He had no words to say to Coyote which could leap over the wall he so carelessly and quickly erected between them. In less than a dozen words, Sam marginalized Coyote’s existence. It had not been his intention but he did so none the less.
“Yes, Heather, what are you doing here so late?” Sam asked his administrative assistant standing in the doorway with her coat on.
Heather swallowed hard. She nervously pushed her hair back behind her right ear. The maneuver succeeded only in forcing the hair on the left to cascade forward like billowing sheets of yellow silk. She crossed the room with purpose but skidded to an abrupt stop when she reached the chair holding Coyote. Heather offered a white envelope out toward Sam. He did not rise to retrieve it.
“What’s that?” He asked.
Heather tried twice to get her voice strong enough to answer. “My resignation. I cleared out my stuff. My desk is organized in piles from left to right and top to bottom to match your calendar events. Just cross check everything with your desk top organizer.”
Sam grimaced. “You know I don’t know how to get into my desk top organizer. You start it for me every morning. You’re just gonna leave without showing me how to figure out my schedule? That doesn’t seem right. I mean, you’ve been working for me for three years…”
“Four,” Heather softly corrected.
“…four years,” Sam picked up the correction and continued on with his hastily prepared remarks. “And, you’re just gonna walk away? Pack and run out the door without any notice? That’s not very fair.”
Heather frowned deeply. She shook her head and said with an emotional hitch to her voice, “You said this morning at the dock, I was your former administrative assistant. I’m trying to save you the trouble of firing me.”
“You know, Sammy, the girl’s got a point,” Coyote chirped up.
Both Sam and Heather turned to stare at Coyote.
“You did fire her in front of a witness. Me being that witness,” Coyote smirked and pointed to herself.
“I never used the ‘f’ word,” Sam defended.
“True but when Heather gallantly fell on her own sword and offered her resignation you remained silent.” Coyote’s eyes twinkled as she continued, “I believe in legal circles, silence is agreement.”
“He wouldn’t know legal circles talk. He’s not a lawyer,” Heather clarified.
“Sam’s an MBA.”
Sam nodded agreement. “It’s true. I make laws but I don’t understand them.”
Coyote rolled her eyes before continuing. “Well folks, you two are at an impasse regardless of your area of specialty. And, the two of you are holding directly opposing views. You need a tie breaker. You should let me be the tie breaker. Let me decide if Heather is staying or going.”
“Why you?” Sam’s voice cracked.
“Because I fixed your truck, Dude. And, I drove it all the way up here to the State House so you could get home tonight,” Coyote explained. “And, I’m a constituent. I should get to have some say in how you run my district.”
Heather laughed. Coyote blushed but managed to flash back a cocky grin of her own. Sam just sighed in defeat.
“Okay, you pick. Does the single best administrative assistant in this building continue to work for me or am I shit out of luck because I have a nasty temper?”
“Whoa,” Heather stepped back and placed her hand over her heart. “That sounded like a compliment and an apology in the same breath.”
“It certainly did,” Coyote agreed. “So, Miss Heather, do you want to keep working for this homophobic, right wing, fascist, pro-gun, wing nut, tool?”
“Yes, I think I do.”
Coyote nodded thoughtfully before asking with a low purr, “What will I get out of the deal if I manage to get your job back for you?”
“Dinner? A movie? And,” Heather raised her eyebrows while Sam covered his ears.
“Deal! Sam, I managed to convince Heather to stay on with you.”
“Great,” Sam sighed. “But, please don’t let the gossip hounds at the Herald know you bartered sexual favors for the negotiations.”
“My good man,” Coyote feigned indignation. “It was dinner, a movie, and sexual favors for the negotiations. Please set my record straight!
“So to speak,” Heather deadpanned.
Coyote chuckled but continued, “Sammy, you can’t have people think I’m easy. It’ll ruin my reputation.”
“We can’t have that now, can we?” Sam mumbled somewhat wistfully as the woman chatted across from him. “Maybe I should get Coyote to negotiate a truce between Rachael and me.”
* * *
Sam stared at the bent and broken flower stems strewn across the hood of his truck. He was amazed so many still littered the vehicle after his high speed escape. Karla’s wild pummeling with the appropriated bouquet managed to embed a fair number of the stems and petals into the molding around the windshield in the time it took Sam to fire up the engine and pull out of the Rachael’s driveway.
“All in all, it could have gone better,” Sam muttered.
He drove aimlessly for most of the night. When the sun started to rise he could think of no place better to be than the sandy beach in his Mother’s hometown. Every other time he’d come to this beautiful sea side get away, his problems seemed to wash away with each crashing wave.
“Doesn’t look like that will happen today,” he muttered seconds before two solid thuds to his tailgate sent him scrambling for the ignition.
“Relax, Goofball! Open the door before my tits freeze,” Coyote’s muffled voice shouted from the passenger side of the truck.
Sam mutely obeyed and flipped the automatic lock. Coyote raised her eyebrows before deliberately glaring at the Styrofoam cups in each hand indicating her obvious inability to open the door on her own.
“Sorry,” Sam mumbled as he leaned over tugging the door handle.
Coyote shook her head in disgust but managed to climb into the cab without spilling a drop. She handed a steamy cup to Sam before slamming the door closed against the chill.
“Look, Asshole, if you come into town you need to let Gramp know that everything is okay. He’s too old to have to worry about a rich, selfish bastard, crybaby,” Coyote admonished.
Sam grinned for the first time in hours. “Sounds like you met my father.”
“Jesus, Sam, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Coyote wouldn’t be swayed by a joke. “The old guy hasn’t seen you in years and now you’re showing up on his front step and sleeping in your truck at the beach like some freakin’ teenager. I don’t give a crap about how screwed up your life is but I do care about that old man. He’s all I got…he’s,” Coyote’s breath caught in her throat and she turned her face away to hide her emotions.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking how me showing up would hurt him.”
“You are such a deuche bag!” Coyote shouted but she seemed almost happy to have something to be angry about. “He’s not hurt. He’s worried about you. He’s been worried about you since before you were born. He loves you, you idiot! You might not have been in his life but he’s been following yours. Your father may have stopped him from seeing you but that didn’t stop him from loving you.”
Sam swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say. It was too much to hear that somebody actually loved him during those years he felt forgotten and alone. He sipped the hot drink for lack of any meaningful words.
“Arrhh, what the Hell is this?”
Coyote blinked in confusion. “Hot chocolate.”
“Blah, what adult drinks hot chocolate?”
“Me. And, now you,” Coyote could not hid her grin.
Sam grimaced but took another sip trying to formulate a reply. “Okay, I’m an ass, an idiot, a deuche, a Nazi, a homophobe, did I miss anything?”
“A couple. But, what’s your point?”
“That’s it exactly. I don’t have a point. I don’t have all the answers. I’m trying to figure out my life. Trying to do my job. Trying…,”
“Trying and succeeding in enshrining discrimination and keeping poor people poor,” Coyote interjected her own assessment of Sam’s career to date.
“Huh?”
“The rules and funding you support or dismiss can ruin lives, Dude. Like, your support of the Defense of Marriage act,” Coyote began to list off his offences.
“My constituents were three to one in support of that bill.”
“Tyranny of the masses, Dude.” Coyote quipped before continuing, “You’re against the free needle program…,”
“Free needles for junkies when diabetics have to pay for their needles? No way,” Sam easily defended.
“You didn’t support the Anti-Bullying Bill.”
“It’s a Free speech issue besides if I did they’d lock you up for the way you talk to me.”
Coyote was undeterred. “You wouldn’t condemn Arizona for their Anti-Immigration Bill.”
“States Rights. We don’t want the people of Arizona telling us how to live, do we?”
“You didn’t support shutting down Dog Racing.”
“Free enterprise. Even a dog should get to earn a living in the Commonwealth.”
“You supported W big time!”
“He was the President! Our President. When the election is over, it’s over and we have to stop arguing or nothing gets done. Obama’s my President too! I support him too.”
“Right! You didn’t support Healthcare Reform.”
“It is unaffordable! How are we going to pay for it? Borrow more money from China? Look, somebody has to be the adult and be brave enough to say, ‘great idea but we can’t afford it yet.’ I’m willing to be that guy!”
Coyote was quiet for a moment as she watched Sam sip his drink. “You certainly are brave enough on state and national policy. So, how ‘bout you get brave enough with your own life?”
Sam stared at her wide eyed.
“Why are you sleeping in your truck at the beach, Sammy?”
Sam hung his head. “She won’t talk to me. She won’t even come to the door and tell me to leave her alone. She sics Karla on me.”
“Her dog?”
“Her lesbian.”
Coyote raised both eyebrows and grinned, “This is starting to have real potential. Tell me all about Karla.”
“Hey, don’t you have a date with Heather? Don’t you mess with her if you’re just gonna be a one night thing. Heather’s a good girl. You can’t be cattin’ around on her,” Sam warned.
“From the lips of the man who doesn’t want fags to marry,” Coyote said bitterly.
Sam shook his head. “I stated my opposition but the law is the law. The State Constitution has the final say in this one. So, I got no problem if you want to court and woo Heather.”
“Woo? What are you? A hundred and two?”
“Just don’t hurt her, okay? And besides, Karla’s a beast. She’s mean and nasty and angry at the world. You deserve better.”
“Thanks,” Coyote said quietly, surprised by his statement. “Okay, so what’s the problem? Karla keeping you two apart?”
Sam nodded but explained. “There’s that and I say all the wrong stuff. It pisses
Rachael off and she snaps and I don’t even know what I’m saying that ruined the moment until she shuts me down.”
“Rachael’s a girly girl, eh? Well, you are in luck, little man. I’m an expert on girly girls.”
“Seriously, I know you’re a girl, technically. But, I want to get the girl who wants to get a boy not the girl knocked up by the boy who really want a girl who could be a boy.”
Coyote grinned. “I think there’s an insult in there someplace but let’s not squabble. Let’s fix your relationship issues. So, Sam, why not shoot a little higher than the girl who wants a boy? Let’s get you the woman willing to put up with you.”
“Man, who would have thought I needed a lesbian to fix my love life?” Sam moaned.
Coyote chuckled. “If you talked to the lesbian first, your love life would never have needed fixing, Dude. Face it, when it comes to women, you are a rank armature.”
